it's been awhile since i've written in you, my largely ignored blog. as before, it gives me comfort to know that no one else is reading you (read: desperate plea for comments). a number of events have triggered in the recent past to make my life a bit more "eventful."
-i am now employed by Earthpledge, an urban greening and multitasking environmental non-for-profit in Midtown. i am excited beyond most comparisons to begin tomorrow. my position revolves around science in some vague and enticing way.
-i am presently looking for an apartment in Brooklyn, most certainly in a "hip" area. this means when i walk outside my door, i'd like to see starving skinny-pants-wearing melodramatic specters floating down the sidewalk. and not just one or two. a whole undead army's worth!
-i have recently become a Hare Krishna, but i am having trouble growing the essential ponytail. my beat will be Union Square, and i will strike my drums and sing for all the passers-by garbed in blazing orange robes.
the other day, at a dinner at a friend's house, we decided to play one of those games in which the players pass around a beeping device that gives a phrase to the reader, who then must explain the term using words and gestures to the others on her/his team. naturally, this is a game that reveals everyone's innermost ignorances and inability to form cogent explanations. there were a number of moments laughable for pretentious pricks like me, but one took the cake. one girl took the device, saw the phrase, and then yelled, "um! someone Jewish! a Jewish name!" those on her team began to shout out endless variations on "berg" and "stein," but she kept shaking her head. "no! no!" she yelled, "more!" when the time finally ran out, she showed us this mysterious Jewish name. "Hare Krishna."
needless to say, i nearly self-combusted with disbelief. i felt it my duty to school her on the Hindu relation to Krishna, the inherent un-Jewishness of the name Krishna, who exactly are the Hare Krishnas, how they are not Jewish, and various other tidbits of useful knowledge that came up in the midst of my flurry of explanations. i felt somewhat rude to do this, as if i were being condescending, but she really did need to know this, in case she approached a Hare Krishna in the street and wished him a Happy Chanukah. i mean, he probably wouldn't mind. he might even say thank you.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
kombucha
so what's the new thing that all the lip-ringed vegans are drinking these days? kombucha!
what pisses me off about kombucha, and anyone who knows me well must have expected that something would piss me off about a new trendy beverage, is not at all related to the ingredients, or even the taste, of this fungal tea. what boils my blood is the origin of its name.
first off, what is it? this beverage is nothing more than tea that has been fermented by a symbiotic complex of organisms that include a macroscopic fungus and some microorganisms. it is said to bestow positive health effects on the drinker, and it contains numerous vitamins and minerals. an innocent health drink. with a not-so-innocent name.
the word "kombucha" in Japanese means "kombu seaweed tea," and it is a salty brothy beverage drunk in Japan, often with little croutons floating in it. as you can see, "kombu" is a kind of thick edible seaweed, usually used to make soup broths, and "cha" just means tea. unfortunately, us "Westerners" got a foreign term confused and managed to make it stick in common parlance--AGAIN. and even in modern times with technological advances in linguistics such as babelfish.altavista.com and Jim Breen's Japanese Dictionary website. either source would have informed the inspired beverage enthusiast that the term they so ignorantly wanted to use in reference to their fungus-filled beverage is in fact already in use for a much different drink. a drink that ironically contains no tea at all.
in case you were wondering, as i was myself until i discovered the answer on wikipedia, the Japanese term for this drink is 紅茶キノコ (kochakinoko), which directly translated means "black tea mushroom." upon discovering this most untrivial fact, did i then begin to use this name instead of the persistant "kombucha" before those "in the know" in a most pretentious manner, replying to inquiries about my term with snide comments meant to demean and deride? no. i still use "kombucha," although pronouncing it with the correct Japanese pronunciation that still means seaweed tea.
i do like kombucha, and i plan to get some spores from a "dealer" and ferment my own some day. then i shall bring it to work in a metal canister and sip from it while others around me wonder why i am drinking such a repugnantly noxious-smelling liquid.
what pisses me off about kombucha, and anyone who knows me well must have expected that something would piss me off about a new trendy beverage, is not at all related to the ingredients, or even the taste, of this fungal tea. what boils my blood is the origin of its name.
first off, what is it? this beverage is nothing more than tea that has been fermented by a symbiotic complex of organisms that include a macroscopic fungus and some microorganisms. it is said to bestow positive health effects on the drinker, and it contains numerous vitamins and minerals. an innocent health drink. with a not-so-innocent name.
the word "kombucha" in Japanese means "kombu seaweed tea," and it is a salty brothy beverage drunk in Japan, often with little croutons floating in it. as you can see, "kombu" is a kind of thick edible seaweed, usually used to make soup broths, and "cha" just means tea. unfortunately, us "Westerners" got a foreign term confused and managed to make it stick in common parlance--AGAIN. and even in modern times with technological advances in linguistics such as babelfish.altavista.com and Jim Breen's Japanese Dictionary website. either source would have informed the inspired beverage enthusiast that the term they so ignorantly wanted to use in reference to their fungus-filled beverage is in fact already in use for a much different drink. a drink that ironically contains no tea at all.
in case you were wondering, as i was myself until i discovered the answer on wikipedia, the Japanese term for this drink is 紅茶キノコ (kochakinoko), which directly translated means "black tea mushroom." upon discovering this most untrivial fact, did i then begin to use this name instead of the persistant "kombucha" before those "in the know" in a most pretentious manner, replying to inquiries about my term with snide comments meant to demean and deride? no. i still use "kombucha," although pronouncing it with the correct Japanese pronunciation that still means seaweed tea.
i do like kombucha, and i plan to get some spores from a "dealer" and ferment my own some day. then i shall bring it to work in a metal canister and sip from it while others around me wonder why i am drinking such a repugnantly noxious-smelling liquid.
Friday, November 9, 2007
reclusing the day away
i stayed indoors all day today. i didn't go outside once. not even to take out the trash. why? the outside was full of HUMANS.
what did i do all day? man, where do i begin? let's start with reading the news online, BBC style. and then i, or rather my avatar, lvled a bit and managed to foil the Blood Elves' dastardly plan to open a rift into some crazy dimension via the Sun Portal to inflict destruction of genocidal proportions on the Dranei, my people. good thing i destroyed that shit. and then i think i might've eaten lunch, and looked at some jobs that sucked, tried to combat the dizzy nauseous feeling that afflicts me every time i think of how futile the job search is seeming to be, ate a piece of chocolate cake with unsweetened soymilk (arguably the best part of my day), and later achieved my Dranei's ass all the way to lvl 20 and got the ability to morph into a ghost wolf. and no, i did not convulse myself onto the carpet from spasms of joy, as you would've expected given the acute nature of this development. and so i spent the day in front of this computer screen, which has provided hours upon hours of mind-numbing distraction. was anything accomplished? besides the lack of money spent, no. the answer would be no.
what did i do all day? man, where do i begin? let's start with reading the news online, BBC style. and then i, or rather my avatar, lvled a bit and managed to foil the Blood Elves' dastardly plan to open a rift into some crazy dimension via the Sun Portal to inflict destruction of genocidal proportions on the Dranei, my people. good thing i destroyed that shit. and then i think i might've eaten lunch, and looked at some jobs that sucked, tried to combat the dizzy nauseous feeling that afflicts me every time i think of how futile the job search is seeming to be, ate a piece of chocolate cake with unsweetened soymilk (arguably the best part of my day), and later achieved my Dranei's ass all the way to lvl 20 and got the ability to morph into a ghost wolf. and no, i did not convulse myself onto the carpet from spasms of joy, as you would've expected given the acute nature of this development. and so i spent the day in front of this computer screen, which has provided hours upon hours of mind-numbing distraction. was anything accomplished? besides the lack of money spent, no. the answer would be no.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
to no avail
that is my theme song for the past two months. i can take it as encouragement that something must turn up -- i mean, what are the odds of being cursed with eternal inertia? how can tomorrow be as unproductive as the previous days? the laws of probability should give me inspiration. but all i feel like doing right now is making really loud deep-throated noises in this empty house. however, that could just be my internal demons manifesting their evil through my mouth. it's like gas under pressure -- it just needs to be released!
as usual, the stimuli that my monitor provides is a bit overwhelming, and i find my brain aching for some down time. but oh look another attractive link! and there we go again. what has this horrendous machine done to my attention span? i guess i could google it and find out...
applying for jobs for a whole morning can make one a little psychotic. this is why i am abstaining for now and will try to level my avatar once more. think of a man working hard at some physical labor. he gets home and his body aches, so he pops a pain reliever. my situation is the same except that everything real is replaced with the mental and the virtual.
as usual, the stimuli that my monitor provides is a bit overwhelming, and i find my brain aching for some down time. but oh look another attractive link! and there we go again. what has this horrendous machine done to my attention span? i guess i could google it and find out...
applying for jobs for a whole morning can make one a little psychotic. this is why i am abstaining for now and will try to level my avatar once more. think of a man working hard at some physical labor. he gets home and his body aches, so he pops a pain reliever. my situation is the same except that everything real is replaced with the mental and the virtual.
Monday, November 5, 2007
root vegetable surprise!
so the destruction party was little more than a bunch of skinny artists with face masks breaking plaster walls with various objects and power tools. well, what did we expect? i had a blast throwing chair legs at a wall and trying to lodge them in like i was in some cool ninja movie. i managed to get two of them in that wall pretty good. a breathtaking success. i also kicked, punched, and beat the walls with a metal rod. i didn't realize i had so much pent-up aggression waited to be released like some Pandora's Box of rage. probably due to my alcoholism and nagging wife.
there is a potluck at the 4th street food coop today and my root vegetable surprise is baking in the downstairs oven. the surprise is the chopped carrots in the middle. from a bird's eye view it just looks like sweet potatoes and parsnips, but no one could ever guess the composition of the interior. yes, that's right. a whole mess of chopped carrots, just waiting to be discovered by some unassuming eater!
i've noticed that i have no comments on any of my blogs. this gives me comfort in knowing that my massive readership is considerately silent, preferring to allow me to continue my course unbiased instead of corrupt my mind with their opinions or "e-props." thank you, dear fans, and i hope to deliver the witty prose you so desire without compromising any clever puns or aesthetic alliteration.
there is a potluck at the 4th street food coop today and my root vegetable surprise is baking in the downstairs oven. the surprise is the chopped carrots in the middle. from a bird's eye view it just looks like sweet potatoes and parsnips, but no one could ever guess the composition of the interior. yes, that's right. a whole mess of chopped carrots, just waiting to be discovered by some unassuming eater!
i've noticed that i have no comments on any of my blogs. this gives me comfort in knowing that my massive readership is considerately silent, preferring to allow me to continue my course unbiased instead of corrupt my mind with their opinions or "e-props." thank you, dear fans, and i hope to deliver the witty prose you so desire without compromising any clever puns or aesthetic alliteration.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
destruction party!
Jenny Lee and i went out yesterday to buy Halloween costumes. after poring over all the over-priced and overdone masks in Ricky's, we went down to a temporary Halloween-themed store off Lafayette. this is where i found a mask of a frowning old man framed with gray hair
sprouting from the sides of his head for a mere fifteen bucks.
i knew immediately it was for me.
i envisioned myself wearing that mask with a black hoodie and jeans -- the quintessential slacker's Halloween costume. also the perfect "is he a petty vandal, a costumed rapist, or just a Halloween slacker?" outfit. maybe i'll alter the mask and make some weird markings on it or something. like hex symbols or pentagrams or something more offensive.
the camping trip was a success. it did pour the first night and the wind did come a-knocking at our tent walls with some vigour, but it just made the next day that much better. all the stormy clouds filed away and left us with a moderately wet and musty forest -- perfect for prancing around by the streamside and hopping over rocks, which i did with Han and Jenny Ng. the others didn't want to go hiking, even though the smiling sun was practically begging us to get out into the wilderness (or rather, the green area beside the road to the campsites). the others consisted of Jenny Ng's friends, who were all very nice and cheerful people (besides one who decided i was too obnoxious to acknowledge, and i honor that), but they were a different kind of camper than i. i shall make a list.
my kind of camping: granola, tree-huggery, bare-footedness, plastic bags of assorted nuts, unwashed apples, beer drinkery, the making of a big pot of vegetarian chili, minimal use of flashlights, conversation until the act of speaking becomes surreal, hardcore hiking until your clothes stink, gettin' up early, choppin' wood, watchin' birds.
certain people's kind of camping: processed foods aplenty, a welcome reliance on disposable cutlery and plates and towels, a mid-camping pilgrimage to the fluorescent-lit and purposefully overwhelming Mecca that is Walmart, getting up as late as they want, a strict diet of meat and packaged meat products, let's drive as much as possible, fuck birds.
of course this is highly exaggerated, as is the nature of this blog, if not just for my own amusement. but overall, everyone was very cool and laid back and fun. i just really really hate Walmart. kind of like how Christians hate Satan.
going to a "destruction party" with Abby tonight. the theme is this, straight from the host's fingers:
Yo: I'm having a DESTRUCTION PARTY on Halloween, this Wednesday night. Bringyour friends who like trouble. The next morning the city is tearing down all the walls and kitchen on theground floor of my loft, shit we built ourselves. Everyone down thereobviously has to move out so we are beating the city to it as we like. Doyour worst, then go home to your ****friend and keep pretending you¹re awell-adjusted human being, all refreshed and shit. Or find someone equallytwisted at the party to go home with. If you like, put on a messed upcostume so when you¹re back home washing the "fake" blood from your handsit¹s all the more Hollywood. But No "Sexy" Vampires. Screw that. Also I want bands. We want you to play music if you want. I own a loud amp,a guitar, and drums you can use so you might not need to bring much except abad-ass attitude toward the situation. Also there's a decade's worth of free junk downstairs a fucked up piano,couches, building supplies, knick-wacks, patty-wacks, shit I don't even knowabout all for free to take home unless someone beats you to it. It's Wednesday - the middle of the week, the real Halloween, so there willbe less pussies there. We¹re making real teats from the city's fucked uptrick on us. A party where we want you to destroy the place and steal shit. With loudmusic and lots of booze if you bring it. You should probably reassess yourlife if you don¹t come through.
so what could be cooler? (more risk of bodily hazard)
i wonder what i'll destroy first. maybe someone's face.
sprouting from the sides of his head for a mere fifteen bucks.
i knew immediately it was for me.
i envisioned myself wearing that mask with a black hoodie and jeans -- the quintessential slacker's Halloween costume. also the perfect "is he a petty vandal, a costumed rapist, or just a Halloween slacker?" outfit. maybe i'll alter the mask and make some weird markings on it or something. like hex symbols or pentagrams or something more offensive.
the camping trip was a success. it did pour the first night and the wind did come a-knocking at our tent walls with some vigour, but it just made the next day that much better. all the stormy clouds filed away and left us with a moderately wet and musty forest -- perfect for prancing around by the streamside and hopping over rocks, which i did with Han and Jenny Ng. the others didn't want to go hiking, even though the smiling sun was practically begging us to get out into the wilderness (or rather, the green area beside the road to the campsites). the others consisted of Jenny Ng's friends, who were all very nice and cheerful people (besides one who decided i was too obnoxious to acknowledge, and i honor that), but they were a different kind of camper than i. i shall make a list.
my kind of camping: granola, tree-huggery, bare-footedness, plastic bags of assorted nuts, unwashed apples, beer drinkery, the making of a big pot of vegetarian chili, minimal use of flashlights, conversation until the act of speaking becomes surreal, hardcore hiking until your clothes stink, gettin' up early, choppin' wood, watchin' birds.
certain people's kind of camping: processed foods aplenty, a welcome reliance on disposable cutlery and plates and towels, a mid-camping pilgrimage to the fluorescent-lit and purposefully overwhelming Mecca that is Walmart, getting up as late as they want, a strict diet of meat and packaged meat products, let's drive as much as possible, fuck birds.
of course this is highly exaggerated, as is the nature of this blog, if not just for my own amusement. but overall, everyone was very cool and laid back and fun. i just really really hate Walmart. kind of like how Christians hate Satan.
going to a "destruction party" with Abby tonight. the theme is this, straight from the host's fingers:
Yo: I'm having a DESTRUCTION PARTY on Halloween, this Wednesday night. Bringyour friends who like trouble. The next morning the city is tearing down all the walls and kitchen on theground floor of my loft, shit we built ourselves. Everyone down thereobviously has to move out so we are beating the city to it as we like. Doyour worst, then go home to your ****friend and keep pretending you¹re awell-adjusted human being, all refreshed and shit. Or find someone equallytwisted at the party to go home with. If you like, put on a messed upcostume so when you¹re back home washing the "fake" blood from your handsit¹s all the more Hollywood. But No "Sexy" Vampires. Screw that. Also I want bands. We want you to play music if you want. I own a loud amp,a guitar, and drums you can use so you might not need to bring much except abad-ass attitude toward the situation. Also there's a decade's worth of free junk downstairs a fucked up piano,couches, building supplies, knick-wacks, patty-wacks, shit I don't even knowabout all for free to take home unless someone beats you to it. It's Wednesday - the middle of the week, the real Halloween, so there willbe less pussies there. We¹re making real teats from the city's fucked uptrick on us. A party where we want you to destroy the place and steal shit. With loudmusic and lots of booze if you bring it. You should probably reassess yourlife if you don¹t come through.
so what could be cooler? (more risk of bodily hazard)
i wonder what i'll destroy first. maybe someone's face.
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