imagine being a Masai vegan? that would really suck.
i have spent nearly all day looking for data on agricultural transportation and composting, and came up with nearly nothing. some data are just too difficult to procure using the conventional "load Google--type request--click link--bingo" strategy. why can't i find a national map of the routes our food travels? why can't i find out the average national compost application rate for organic farms? why must my brain slowly melt as my gaze is fixated on the monitor screen?
i need some fresh air and a fresh new approach to this data mining business.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
molten desire of doom
Imagine if everything you ever sought after in life was in molten form bubbling below you, and all you had to do to be surrounded by it entirely was to dive straight into it.
That's what happened to the fruit fly who was singed to death in my hazelnut soymilk mochaccino.
Ah, the vagaries of desire. They can be responsible for one's pain-racked decease. Or they can act as soma for the mind -- erupting in lava bursts of burning flowers like fireworks that make the jaded one feel like smiling is natural once again.
That's what happened to the fruit fly who was singed to death in my hazelnut soymilk mochaccino.
Ah, the vagaries of desire. They can be responsible for one's pain-racked decease. Or they can act as soma for the mind -- erupting in lava bursts of burning flowers like fireworks that make the jaded one feel like smiling is natural once again.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
the sine curve of emotion
or cosine. depending when the happiness begins (at pi over two or zero). taking this mathematical analogy another step too far, should the object of desire lie just below the asymptotic line of experience, much of my stress would be relieved. but i have seen that asymptote intersect with the abscissa and ignite fireworks that last for years. and when the last finally sputters out and is extinguished on the dewy morning grass, one marvels at one's inability to recall the past night's spectacle just right. there are large gaps that are sewn together with the golden thread of nostalgia, and the cloak is worn only at night when the heart becomes chilly.
this morning i rang the bell to the door of my workplace as usual, and one of my coworkers answered with an irritated "yes?" i have no choice but to ring this bell, for i have no key, and i feel it inappropriate to go climbing through windows. i answered, "morning." i decided quite hastily that a simple greeting may come off as more friendly than a gruff statement of my name. after all, i'd done it before with another girl and it had went quite smoothly. however, she replied with an exasperated, "what?" i was slightly shocked, and to remedy the unexpected confusion i quickly said, "hi it's jamie." once through the door and down the stairs to the office i share with three others, including this woman, i thought it only proper to inform her of what i initially said and possibly even laugh about the unnecessary hostility that arose from a trivial mishearing. "i initially said, 'morning.,'" i said, then chuckled politely. she turned her tired visage to me and spit out another more irritated, "what?" instead of giving up and avoiding confrontation, and therefore admitting defeat, i repeated myself, looking her directly in those piercing eyes, those eyes which ironically were loathe to remain transfixed by my stare for long. upon hearing this explanation again, she shook her head and coughed a grunt laden with meaning. here i realized that there was no turning back, and much like a nervous warrior charging into battle on a maddened horse, i released the next verbal volley: "well, i guess i'm starting off this morning pretty awkwardly." this was intended to lighten the mood, which had darkened considerably and suffered our audience of another female coworker, but instead it served much like gasoline thrown to put out a fire, for she replied, "yes, you are." i chuckled again--this is because i am not adept in the arts of anger, and instead force my ferocity inward where it scratches at my innards like a wildcat trapped in a sack.
why am i so gentle with those who grate at my patience so?
this morning i rang the bell to the door of my workplace as usual, and one of my coworkers answered with an irritated "yes?" i have no choice but to ring this bell, for i have no key, and i feel it inappropriate to go climbing through windows. i answered, "morning." i decided quite hastily that a simple greeting may come off as more friendly than a gruff statement of my name. after all, i'd done it before with another girl and it had went quite smoothly. however, she replied with an exasperated, "what?" i was slightly shocked, and to remedy the unexpected confusion i quickly said, "hi it's jamie." once through the door and down the stairs to the office i share with three others, including this woman, i thought it only proper to inform her of what i initially said and possibly even laugh about the unnecessary hostility that arose from a trivial mishearing. "i initially said, 'morning.,'" i said, then chuckled politely. she turned her tired visage to me and spit out another more irritated, "what?" instead of giving up and avoiding confrontation, and therefore admitting defeat, i repeated myself, looking her directly in those piercing eyes, those eyes which ironically were loathe to remain transfixed by my stare for long. upon hearing this explanation again, she shook her head and coughed a grunt laden with meaning. here i realized that there was no turning back, and much like a nervous warrior charging into battle on a maddened horse, i released the next verbal volley: "well, i guess i'm starting off this morning pretty awkwardly." this was intended to lighten the mood, which had darkened considerably and suffered our audience of another female coworker, but instead it served much like gasoline thrown to put out a fire, for she replied, "yes, you are." i chuckled again--this is because i am not adept in the arts of anger, and instead force my ferocity inward where it scratches at my innards like a wildcat trapped in a sack.
why am i so gentle with those who grate at my patience so?
Saturday, December 8, 2007
apathy has become me
today is a day for apathy. have you ever been overwhelmed by a feeling of lack of interest in all human interaction around you? my brain is so lethargic today--my brain is the hippopotamus staring into the blistering horizon and occasionally a little bird will come a-peck-pecking on the rough hide of my back. as you can easily predict, i turn my head not one micron.
last night was another chapter in a book entitled, "The Slow and Tortuous Defeat of J. M. Kass Brought About By Failure in All Things Romantic, told in infinite volumes." the volumes are infinite because, just as you read the closing lines of one volume and are enticed into believing the climax may just come in the next (which would preceed the descending action and conclusion in any story following the old rules of literature), you find yourself reading the same scenes again, though the people and place names are different. yet i drag this tired body on, through unforgiving deserts of lonesome twirling duststorms and prickly plants with arms reaching in ironic embrace. i am sure Borges could have written an excellent commentary on my imaginary novel. he would have been delighted with its infinitude and would have inserted multiple references to labyrinths.
we at work are going out for a few drinks under the towering shadow of the Empire State Building, just blocks from our workplace. perhaps reintroducing my body to alcohol after their twenty-four hour separation will jumpstart my seratonin. is it better to feel like a rotting log full of decaying wood and grubs, or a hollow log air-blown dry by hot winds? a man who found himself more frightened than ever before said this: "i may never love again."
last night was another chapter in a book entitled, "The Slow and Tortuous Defeat of J. M. Kass Brought About By Failure in All Things Romantic, told in infinite volumes." the volumes are infinite because, just as you read the closing lines of one volume and are enticed into believing the climax may just come in the next (which would preceed the descending action and conclusion in any story following the old rules of literature), you find yourself reading the same scenes again, though the people and place names are different. yet i drag this tired body on, through unforgiving deserts of lonesome twirling duststorms and prickly plants with arms reaching in ironic embrace. i am sure Borges could have written an excellent commentary on my imaginary novel. he would have been delighted with its infinitude and would have inserted multiple references to labyrinths.
we at work are going out for a few drinks under the towering shadow of the Empire State Building, just blocks from our workplace. perhaps reintroducing my body to alcohol after their twenty-four hour separation will jumpstart my seratonin. is it better to feel like a rotting log full of decaying wood and grubs, or a hollow log air-blown dry by hot winds? a man who found himself more frightened than ever before said this: "i may never love again."
Monday, November 26, 2007
gainfully employed
it's been awhile since i've written in you, my largely ignored blog. as before, it gives me comfort to know that no one else is reading you (read: desperate plea for comments). a number of events have triggered in the recent past to make my life a bit more "eventful."
-i am now employed by Earthpledge, an urban greening and multitasking environmental non-for-profit in Midtown. i am excited beyond most comparisons to begin tomorrow. my position revolves around science in some vague and enticing way.
-i am presently looking for an apartment in Brooklyn, most certainly in a "hip" area. this means when i walk outside my door, i'd like to see starving skinny-pants-wearing melodramatic specters floating down the sidewalk. and not just one or two. a whole undead army's worth!
-i have recently become a Hare Krishna, but i am having trouble growing the essential ponytail. my beat will be Union Square, and i will strike my drums and sing for all the passers-by garbed in blazing orange robes.
the other day, at a dinner at a friend's house, we decided to play one of those games in which the players pass around a beeping device that gives a phrase to the reader, who then must explain the term using words and gestures to the others on her/his team. naturally, this is a game that reveals everyone's innermost ignorances and inability to form cogent explanations. there were a number of moments laughable for pretentious pricks like me, but one took the cake. one girl took the device, saw the phrase, and then yelled, "um! someone Jewish! a Jewish name!" those on her team began to shout out endless variations on "berg" and "stein," but she kept shaking her head. "no! no!" she yelled, "more!" when the time finally ran out, she showed us this mysterious Jewish name. "Hare Krishna."
needless to say, i nearly self-combusted with disbelief. i felt it my duty to school her on the Hindu relation to Krishna, the inherent un-Jewishness of the name Krishna, who exactly are the Hare Krishnas, how they are not Jewish, and various other tidbits of useful knowledge that came up in the midst of my flurry of explanations. i felt somewhat rude to do this, as if i were being condescending, but she really did need to know this, in case she approached a Hare Krishna in the street and wished him a Happy Chanukah. i mean, he probably wouldn't mind. he might even say thank you.
-i am now employed by Earthpledge, an urban greening and multitasking environmental non-for-profit in Midtown. i am excited beyond most comparisons to begin tomorrow. my position revolves around science in some vague and enticing way.
-i am presently looking for an apartment in Brooklyn, most certainly in a "hip" area. this means when i walk outside my door, i'd like to see starving skinny-pants-wearing melodramatic specters floating down the sidewalk. and not just one or two. a whole undead army's worth!
-i have recently become a Hare Krishna, but i am having trouble growing the essential ponytail. my beat will be Union Square, and i will strike my drums and sing for all the passers-by garbed in blazing orange robes.
the other day, at a dinner at a friend's house, we decided to play one of those games in which the players pass around a beeping device that gives a phrase to the reader, who then must explain the term using words and gestures to the others on her/his team. naturally, this is a game that reveals everyone's innermost ignorances and inability to form cogent explanations. there were a number of moments laughable for pretentious pricks like me, but one took the cake. one girl took the device, saw the phrase, and then yelled, "um! someone Jewish! a Jewish name!" those on her team began to shout out endless variations on "berg" and "stein," but she kept shaking her head. "no! no!" she yelled, "more!" when the time finally ran out, she showed us this mysterious Jewish name. "Hare Krishna."
needless to say, i nearly self-combusted with disbelief. i felt it my duty to school her on the Hindu relation to Krishna, the inherent un-Jewishness of the name Krishna, who exactly are the Hare Krishnas, how they are not Jewish, and various other tidbits of useful knowledge that came up in the midst of my flurry of explanations. i felt somewhat rude to do this, as if i were being condescending, but she really did need to know this, in case she approached a Hare Krishna in the street and wished him a Happy Chanukah. i mean, he probably wouldn't mind. he might even say thank you.
Friday, November 16, 2007
kombucha
so what's the new thing that all the lip-ringed vegans are drinking these days? kombucha!
what pisses me off about kombucha, and anyone who knows me well must have expected that something would piss me off about a new trendy beverage, is not at all related to the ingredients, or even the taste, of this fungal tea. what boils my blood is the origin of its name.
first off, what is it? this beverage is nothing more than tea that has been fermented by a symbiotic complex of organisms that include a macroscopic fungus and some microorganisms. it is said to bestow positive health effects on the drinker, and it contains numerous vitamins and minerals. an innocent health drink. with a not-so-innocent name.
the word "kombucha" in Japanese means "kombu seaweed tea," and it is a salty brothy beverage drunk in Japan, often with little croutons floating in it. as you can see, "kombu" is a kind of thick edible seaweed, usually used to make soup broths, and "cha" just means tea. unfortunately, us "Westerners" got a foreign term confused and managed to make it stick in common parlance--AGAIN. and even in modern times with technological advances in linguistics such as babelfish.altavista.com and Jim Breen's Japanese Dictionary website. either source would have informed the inspired beverage enthusiast that the term they so ignorantly wanted to use in reference to their fungus-filled beverage is in fact already in use for a much different drink. a drink that ironically contains no tea at all.
in case you were wondering, as i was myself until i discovered the answer on wikipedia, the Japanese term for this drink is 紅茶キノコ (kochakinoko), which directly translated means "black tea mushroom." upon discovering this most untrivial fact, did i then begin to use this name instead of the persistant "kombucha" before those "in the know" in a most pretentious manner, replying to inquiries about my term with snide comments meant to demean and deride? no. i still use "kombucha," although pronouncing it with the correct Japanese pronunciation that still means seaweed tea.
i do like kombucha, and i plan to get some spores from a "dealer" and ferment my own some day. then i shall bring it to work in a metal canister and sip from it while others around me wonder why i am drinking such a repugnantly noxious-smelling liquid.
what pisses me off about kombucha, and anyone who knows me well must have expected that something would piss me off about a new trendy beverage, is not at all related to the ingredients, or even the taste, of this fungal tea. what boils my blood is the origin of its name.
first off, what is it? this beverage is nothing more than tea that has been fermented by a symbiotic complex of organisms that include a macroscopic fungus and some microorganisms. it is said to bestow positive health effects on the drinker, and it contains numerous vitamins and minerals. an innocent health drink. with a not-so-innocent name.
the word "kombucha" in Japanese means "kombu seaweed tea," and it is a salty brothy beverage drunk in Japan, often with little croutons floating in it. as you can see, "kombu" is a kind of thick edible seaweed, usually used to make soup broths, and "cha" just means tea. unfortunately, us "Westerners" got a foreign term confused and managed to make it stick in common parlance--AGAIN. and even in modern times with technological advances in linguistics such as babelfish.altavista.com and Jim Breen's Japanese Dictionary website. either source would have informed the inspired beverage enthusiast that the term they so ignorantly wanted to use in reference to their fungus-filled beverage is in fact already in use for a much different drink. a drink that ironically contains no tea at all.
in case you were wondering, as i was myself until i discovered the answer on wikipedia, the Japanese term for this drink is 紅茶キノコ (kochakinoko), which directly translated means "black tea mushroom." upon discovering this most untrivial fact, did i then begin to use this name instead of the persistant "kombucha" before those "in the know" in a most pretentious manner, replying to inquiries about my term with snide comments meant to demean and deride? no. i still use "kombucha," although pronouncing it with the correct Japanese pronunciation that still means seaweed tea.
i do like kombucha, and i plan to get some spores from a "dealer" and ferment my own some day. then i shall bring it to work in a metal canister and sip from it while others around me wonder why i am drinking such a repugnantly noxious-smelling liquid.
Friday, November 9, 2007
reclusing the day away
i stayed indoors all day today. i didn't go outside once. not even to take out the trash. why? the outside was full of HUMANS.
what did i do all day? man, where do i begin? let's start with reading the news online, BBC style. and then i, or rather my avatar, lvled a bit and managed to foil the Blood Elves' dastardly plan to open a rift into some crazy dimension via the Sun Portal to inflict destruction of genocidal proportions on the Dranei, my people. good thing i destroyed that shit. and then i think i might've eaten lunch, and looked at some jobs that sucked, tried to combat the dizzy nauseous feeling that afflicts me every time i think of how futile the job search is seeming to be, ate a piece of chocolate cake with unsweetened soymilk (arguably the best part of my day), and later achieved my Dranei's ass all the way to lvl 20 and got the ability to morph into a ghost wolf. and no, i did not convulse myself onto the carpet from spasms of joy, as you would've expected given the acute nature of this development. and so i spent the day in front of this computer screen, which has provided hours upon hours of mind-numbing distraction. was anything accomplished? besides the lack of money spent, no. the answer would be no.
what did i do all day? man, where do i begin? let's start with reading the news online, BBC style. and then i, or rather my avatar, lvled a bit and managed to foil the Blood Elves' dastardly plan to open a rift into some crazy dimension via the Sun Portal to inflict destruction of genocidal proportions on the Dranei, my people. good thing i destroyed that shit. and then i think i might've eaten lunch, and looked at some jobs that sucked, tried to combat the dizzy nauseous feeling that afflicts me every time i think of how futile the job search is seeming to be, ate a piece of chocolate cake with unsweetened soymilk (arguably the best part of my day), and later achieved my Dranei's ass all the way to lvl 20 and got the ability to morph into a ghost wolf. and no, i did not convulse myself onto the carpet from spasms of joy, as you would've expected given the acute nature of this development. and so i spent the day in front of this computer screen, which has provided hours upon hours of mind-numbing distraction. was anything accomplished? besides the lack of money spent, no. the answer would be no.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
to no avail
that is my theme song for the past two months. i can take it as encouragement that something must turn up -- i mean, what are the odds of being cursed with eternal inertia? how can tomorrow be as unproductive as the previous days? the laws of probability should give me inspiration. but all i feel like doing right now is making really loud deep-throated noises in this empty house. however, that could just be my internal demons manifesting their evil through my mouth. it's like gas under pressure -- it just needs to be released!
as usual, the stimuli that my monitor provides is a bit overwhelming, and i find my brain aching for some down time. but oh look another attractive link! and there we go again. what has this horrendous machine done to my attention span? i guess i could google it and find out...
applying for jobs for a whole morning can make one a little psychotic. this is why i am abstaining for now and will try to level my avatar once more. think of a man working hard at some physical labor. he gets home and his body aches, so he pops a pain reliever. my situation is the same except that everything real is replaced with the mental and the virtual.
as usual, the stimuli that my monitor provides is a bit overwhelming, and i find my brain aching for some down time. but oh look another attractive link! and there we go again. what has this horrendous machine done to my attention span? i guess i could google it and find out...
applying for jobs for a whole morning can make one a little psychotic. this is why i am abstaining for now and will try to level my avatar once more. think of a man working hard at some physical labor. he gets home and his body aches, so he pops a pain reliever. my situation is the same except that everything real is replaced with the mental and the virtual.
Monday, November 5, 2007
root vegetable surprise!
so the destruction party was little more than a bunch of skinny artists with face masks breaking plaster walls with various objects and power tools. well, what did we expect? i had a blast throwing chair legs at a wall and trying to lodge them in like i was in some cool ninja movie. i managed to get two of them in that wall pretty good. a breathtaking success. i also kicked, punched, and beat the walls with a metal rod. i didn't realize i had so much pent-up aggression waited to be released like some Pandora's Box of rage. probably due to my alcoholism and nagging wife.
there is a potluck at the 4th street food coop today and my root vegetable surprise is baking in the downstairs oven. the surprise is the chopped carrots in the middle. from a bird's eye view it just looks like sweet potatoes and parsnips, but no one could ever guess the composition of the interior. yes, that's right. a whole mess of chopped carrots, just waiting to be discovered by some unassuming eater!
i've noticed that i have no comments on any of my blogs. this gives me comfort in knowing that my massive readership is considerately silent, preferring to allow me to continue my course unbiased instead of corrupt my mind with their opinions or "e-props." thank you, dear fans, and i hope to deliver the witty prose you so desire without compromising any clever puns or aesthetic alliteration.
there is a potluck at the 4th street food coop today and my root vegetable surprise is baking in the downstairs oven. the surprise is the chopped carrots in the middle. from a bird's eye view it just looks like sweet potatoes and parsnips, but no one could ever guess the composition of the interior. yes, that's right. a whole mess of chopped carrots, just waiting to be discovered by some unassuming eater!
i've noticed that i have no comments on any of my blogs. this gives me comfort in knowing that my massive readership is considerately silent, preferring to allow me to continue my course unbiased instead of corrupt my mind with their opinions or "e-props." thank you, dear fans, and i hope to deliver the witty prose you so desire without compromising any clever puns or aesthetic alliteration.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
destruction party!
Jenny Lee and i went out yesterday to buy Halloween costumes. after poring over all the over-priced and overdone masks in Ricky's, we went down to a temporary Halloween-themed store off Lafayette. this is where i found a mask of a frowning old man framed with gray hair
sprouting from the sides of his head for a mere fifteen bucks.
i knew immediately it was for me.
i envisioned myself wearing that mask with a black hoodie and jeans -- the quintessential slacker's Halloween costume. also the perfect "is he a petty vandal, a costumed rapist, or just a Halloween slacker?" outfit. maybe i'll alter the mask and make some weird markings on it or something. like hex symbols or pentagrams or something more offensive.
the camping trip was a success. it did pour the first night and the wind did come a-knocking at our tent walls with some vigour, but it just made the next day that much better. all the stormy clouds filed away and left us with a moderately wet and musty forest -- perfect for prancing around by the streamside and hopping over rocks, which i did with Han and Jenny Ng. the others didn't want to go hiking, even though the smiling sun was practically begging us to get out into the wilderness (or rather, the green area beside the road to the campsites). the others consisted of Jenny Ng's friends, who were all very nice and cheerful people (besides one who decided i was too obnoxious to acknowledge, and i honor that), but they were a different kind of camper than i. i shall make a list.
my kind of camping: granola, tree-huggery, bare-footedness, plastic bags of assorted nuts, unwashed apples, beer drinkery, the making of a big pot of vegetarian chili, minimal use of flashlights, conversation until the act of speaking becomes surreal, hardcore hiking until your clothes stink, gettin' up early, choppin' wood, watchin' birds.
certain people's kind of camping: processed foods aplenty, a welcome reliance on disposable cutlery and plates and towels, a mid-camping pilgrimage to the fluorescent-lit and purposefully overwhelming Mecca that is Walmart, getting up as late as they want, a strict diet of meat and packaged meat products, let's drive as much as possible, fuck birds.
of course this is highly exaggerated, as is the nature of this blog, if not just for my own amusement. but overall, everyone was very cool and laid back and fun. i just really really hate Walmart. kind of like how Christians hate Satan.
going to a "destruction party" with Abby tonight. the theme is this, straight from the host's fingers:
Yo: I'm having a DESTRUCTION PARTY on Halloween, this Wednesday night. Bringyour friends who like trouble. The next morning the city is tearing down all the walls and kitchen on theground floor of my loft, shit we built ourselves. Everyone down thereobviously has to move out so we are beating the city to it as we like. Doyour worst, then go home to your ****friend and keep pretending you¹re awell-adjusted human being, all refreshed and shit. Or find someone equallytwisted at the party to go home with. If you like, put on a messed upcostume so when you¹re back home washing the "fake" blood from your handsit¹s all the more Hollywood. But No "Sexy" Vampires. Screw that. Also I want bands. We want you to play music if you want. I own a loud amp,a guitar, and drums you can use so you might not need to bring much except abad-ass attitude toward the situation. Also there's a decade's worth of free junk downstairs a fucked up piano,couches, building supplies, knick-wacks, patty-wacks, shit I don't even knowabout all for free to take home unless someone beats you to it. It's Wednesday - the middle of the week, the real Halloween, so there willbe less pussies there. We¹re making real teats from the city's fucked uptrick on us. A party where we want you to destroy the place and steal shit. With loudmusic and lots of booze if you bring it. You should probably reassess yourlife if you don¹t come through.
so what could be cooler? (more risk of bodily hazard)
i wonder what i'll destroy first. maybe someone's face.
sprouting from the sides of his head for a mere fifteen bucks.
i knew immediately it was for me.
i envisioned myself wearing that mask with a black hoodie and jeans -- the quintessential slacker's Halloween costume. also the perfect "is he a petty vandal, a costumed rapist, or just a Halloween slacker?" outfit. maybe i'll alter the mask and make some weird markings on it or something. like hex symbols or pentagrams or something more offensive.
the camping trip was a success. it did pour the first night and the wind did come a-knocking at our tent walls with some vigour, but it just made the next day that much better. all the stormy clouds filed away and left us with a moderately wet and musty forest -- perfect for prancing around by the streamside and hopping over rocks, which i did with Han and Jenny Ng. the others didn't want to go hiking, even though the smiling sun was practically begging us to get out into the wilderness (or rather, the green area beside the road to the campsites). the others consisted of Jenny Ng's friends, who were all very nice and cheerful people (besides one who decided i was too obnoxious to acknowledge, and i honor that), but they were a different kind of camper than i. i shall make a list.
my kind of camping: granola, tree-huggery, bare-footedness, plastic bags of assorted nuts, unwashed apples, beer drinkery, the making of a big pot of vegetarian chili, minimal use of flashlights, conversation until the act of speaking becomes surreal, hardcore hiking until your clothes stink, gettin' up early, choppin' wood, watchin' birds.
certain people's kind of camping: processed foods aplenty, a welcome reliance on disposable cutlery and plates and towels, a mid-camping pilgrimage to the fluorescent-lit and purposefully overwhelming Mecca that is Walmart, getting up as late as they want, a strict diet of meat and packaged meat products, let's drive as much as possible, fuck birds.
of course this is highly exaggerated, as is the nature of this blog, if not just for my own amusement. but overall, everyone was very cool and laid back and fun. i just really really hate Walmart. kind of like how Christians hate Satan.
going to a "destruction party" with Abby tonight. the theme is this, straight from the host's fingers:
Yo: I'm having a DESTRUCTION PARTY on Halloween, this Wednesday night. Bringyour friends who like trouble. The next morning the city is tearing down all the walls and kitchen on theground floor of my loft, shit we built ourselves. Everyone down thereobviously has to move out so we are beating the city to it as we like. Doyour worst, then go home to your ****friend and keep pretending you¹re awell-adjusted human being, all refreshed and shit. Or find someone equallytwisted at the party to go home with. If you like, put on a messed upcostume so when you¹re back home washing the "fake" blood from your handsit¹s all the more Hollywood. But No "Sexy" Vampires. Screw that. Also I want bands. We want you to play music if you want. I own a loud amp,a guitar, and drums you can use so you might not need to bring much except abad-ass attitude toward the situation. Also there's a decade's worth of free junk downstairs a fucked up piano,couches, building supplies, knick-wacks, patty-wacks, shit I don't even knowabout all for free to take home unless someone beats you to it. It's Wednesday - the middle of the week, the real Halloween, so there willbe less pussies there. We¹re making real teats from the city's fucked uptrick on us. A party where we want you to destroy the place and steal shit. With loudmusic and lots of booze if you bring it. You should probably reassess yourlife if you don¹t come through.
so what could be cooler? (more risk of bodily hazard)
i wonder what i'll destroy first. maybe someone's face.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
i'm going a-camping!
this afternoon i shall join some of my compatriots as we journey down into the heart of our country's wilderness, the overgrown and dangerous state of New Jersey. who can predict what treacherous beasts shall befall our crew when we disturb their murky dens of savagery? i, for one, am bringing along my trusty combat knife, my powder musket, a journal to catalogue any monstrous creatures new to science, some bottles of alcohol to preserve specimens, a box of matches to start the fires that shall cook our meals of wild boar and stag, a set of cotton pajamas, and an Anniversary Edition of the family board game Monopoly. if we should meet some natives, assuming they are friendly and can communicate somehow to us, this board game shall provide a duel purpose: it shall both provide as a social lubricant and teach them a thing or two about civilization. and if they are aggressive, my musket will pacify them all the way to the grave!
we shall return on the afternoon of sunday.
my return to the world of mmorpg's has been as smooth as skiing down a slope of warm butter. so smooth that i am a bit frightened at my steady immersion into the In-Game. it really it much nicer than the Out-Game sometimes, what with its beautiful forests and colorful fauna, not to mention its giant glowing purple crystals jutting out of the ground and its gorgeous draenei women. i honestly don't know how all this will play out. i have heard stories of responsible individuals losing all sense of personal industry and committing themselves to quests like gathering Skittering Crawler meat and finding Stillpine Furbolg totems. at least that's what i've been doing these past two days.
camping time.
we shall return on the afternoon of sunday.
my return to the world of mmorpg's has been as smooth as skiing down a slope of warm butter. so smooth that i am a bit frightened at my steady immersion into the In-Game. it really it much nicer than the Out-Game sometimes, what with its beautiful forests and colorful fauna, not to mention its giant glowing purple crystals jutting out of the ground and its gorgeous draenei women. i honestly don't know how all this will play out. i have heard stories of responsible individuals losing all sense of personal industry and committing themselves to quests like gathering Skittering Crawler meat and finding Stillpine Furbolg totems. at least that's what i've been doing these past two days.
camping time.
Friday, October 26, 2007
massively multiplayer online role-playing game
is that not an allegory of life? are we not all but "role-players" participating in a massive environment, interacting with others to further ourselves? well, we may not all seek to "level-up" and "complete quests for xp," but you get the idea.
i have decided right here and now to catalogue all the vagaries of my day-to-day existence in a blog, which has been unanimously decided as the ubiquitous and most necessary form of expression. i have been leading a life of shame -- unemployed, vagabonding, pilfering the time of other more employed individuals, and volunteering for non-profit orgs. some might heckle me, shouting, "you are the lowest rung of the social ladder! why are you wasting your time wandering aimlessly around manhattan when you could be searching for jobs every breathing second of your life? why are you spending non-replenishing funds with your friends when you should be committed to ensuring a means of replenishment?"
oh, do i listen. but i believe i am above all that.
find a job? ha! that's what "normal people" do to make what they call "a living." it's like that one lemming who wants to stare at some meadow flowers while the others are bounding towards the open sea. one dashing lemming stops dead in his tracks to yell, "what are you doing with your life? don't you see the rest of us migrating to our ages-old vacation spot, which will surely not after eons have been intersected by an unforgivingly deep body of water?"
so i have decided to celebrate my commitment to iniquity by journeying out into the wilds of forest hills to purchase world of warcraft. i had played this mmorpg three summers ago, disguised as an avatar of an orcish hunter with a rotating cast of pets including a saber-toothed cat and an industrious crab. the experience was fulfilling, since i could accomplish many of my life's dreams in-game that were distinctly impossible out-game. these included slaughtering a wild boar with a battle axe, engaging pirates with a shotty musket on a beach, traipsing around a tropical jungle donning a full suit of armor, and commanding a saber-toothed cat to "sic 'im!"
unfortunately, in order to acquire the game post-haste, i must venture into the unpredictable world of Out-Game, which could result in any number of unpleasant exchanges. daboo my warriors!
i have decided right here and now to catalogue all the vagaries of my day-to-day existence in a blog, which has been unanimously decided as the ubiquitous and most necessary form of expression. i have been leading a life of shame -- unemployed, vagabonding, pilfering the time of other more employed individuals, and volunteering for non-profit orgs. some might heckle me, shouting, "you are the lowest rung of the social ladder! why are you wasting your time wandering aimlessly around manhattan when you could be searching for jobs every breathing second of your life? why are you spending non-replenishing funds with your friends when you should be committed to ensuring a means of replenishment?"
oh, do i listen. but i believe i am above all that.
find a job? ha! that's what "normal people" do to make what they call "a living." it's like that one lemming who wants to stare at some meadow flowers while the others are bounding towards the open sea. one dashing lemming stops dead in his tracks to yell, "what are you doing with your life? don't you see the rest of us migrating to our ages-old vacation spot, which will surely not after eons have been intersected by an unforgivingly deep body of water?"
so i have decided to celebrate my commitment to iniquity by journeying out into the wilds of forest hills to purchase world of warcraft. i had played this mmorpg three summers ago, disguised as an avatar of an orcish hunter with a rotating cast of pets including a saber-toothed cat and an industrious crab. the experience was fulfilling, since i could accomplish many of my life's dreams in-game that were distinctly impossible out-game. these included slaughtering a wild boar with a battle axe, engaging pirates with a shotty musket on a beach, traipsing around a tropical jungle donning a full suit of armor, and commanding a saber-toothed cat to "sic 'im!"
unfortunately, in order to acquire the game post-haste, i must venture into the unpredictable world of Out-Game, which could result in any number of unpleasant exchanges. daboo my warriors!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
